Y’all can laugh all you want at this post. But… I will tell you, this purchase during the pandemic changed my life. 

Do not read further if you do not like somewhat crude humor, jokes about butts, or typically are sensitive to anything talking about pooping. 

When the Pandemic really started to hit, the toilet paper really did start disappearing. It wasn’t a joke. So, being “Clay” I started researching alternatives. It seemed like I could get ahead of the curve and get a bidet before they all sold out (I did get one, and they did sell out a week later). 

I just looked at it as a temporary fix for getting your butt clean during the pandemic and that we wouldn’t need it later. 

Oh my, was I wrong! What had I been missing out on my whole life!??? You mean I can have a clean butt, never get “swamp ass”, enjoy the nice spray in my nether-regions, and never have to buy toilet paper again? Wow! yeah, this is a game changer!

It’s so awesome that I DREAD having to go anywhere and have to use the bathroom. I have literally not wiped my butt since Christmas when I visited my wife’s family farm in Mississippi! I know, I know… I’m being very descriptive of things here that you might not want to hear. But, I am telling you this… once you “go bidet” you don’t go back. We just installed a second one in the house — at the request of one of my children (who I will not name). 

If you like feeling clean, if you like that part of your body to not stink or get itchy, and you like never having to spend money on TP again… get a bidet. You will not regret it! I promise you! I will never do without one again! It’s like a bath for your butt every time you go to the bathroom!

PRO TIP: Do not test it with your mouth open leaning over the toilet to see if it works. Don’t ask me how I know. Test it sitting on the toilet. lol